Y'all- this watching our son grow up half way across the world. is.so.hard. I'm weary. It's been 8 months since we first saw his precious face. 8 months of wanting to hold him and tell him I love him. This is the month that at the time of referral we were told "would be the latest" to travel to go to court. Now I sit here with an unending date and it's just hard.
It's hard waiting. It's hard wanting something and not being able to do anything about it.
When we first started this journey a friend gave me a card and on it was Habakkuk 2:3-4 " For still the vision awaits ti's appointed time: it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it, it will surely come; it will not delay. Behold his soul is puffed up it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by faith." God's timing is perfect, wait for it. I needed that card and I needed to hear these words as I long to meet my son.
I have been struggling lately with trusting in God's timing, which just means I was questioning His sovereinty. (Why can't MOWA sign our letter so we can receive a court date?!) It was stealing my joy...
There is nothing I can do to change how quickly he comes home. All I can do is trust that God's timing is perfect. This is harder when things aren't going your way. It's hard when you think surely it can't be good that he is still sitting in an orpahange.
Yet, God has sent some amazing friends. We didn't know each other before starting this adoption journey. We haven't even met in real life. Yet, we are now "soul sisters" as one of them so sweetly said one day and I knew we were. We all live in different parts of the country. We talk or text daily. We pray. Cry when things get tough. Crying together when I break down in the middle of Target when I heard good news of my new dear friends case. Rejoicing when another family gets a precious letter. What an experience to have our hearts bound together through adoption.
In the wait I came across a song and it's been such a good reminder. It's by Lauren Daigle "Trust In You"
Letting go ever single dream
I lay each one down at your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what you see
I've tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need your rest
Mighty warrior King of the fight
no matter what i face your by my side
when you don't move the mountains I'm needing you to move
when you don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
when you don't give the answers as I cry out to you
I will trust
I will trust
I will trust in you
Truth is You know what tomorrow brings
there's not a day ahead you have not seen
so when all the things be my life and breath
I want what you want Lord and nothing less
This has been my prayer as I have walked these last few months. Thankful to have friends who have encouraged me, you know who you are, and I'm so thankful for you.
Even if God doesn't answer us to have a letter and travel date soon, He is still good. So, I will trust in Him.